When you think of Hawaii, vibrant lei made from plumeria and orchids might come to mind—symbols of aloha, celebration, and warm welcomes. However, lei also hold deep meaning during times of loss. Traditional Hawaiian funerals honor the deceased with specific customs, one of which is the wearing and presentation of lei.
Whether you’re planning a Hawaiian funeral or attending one as a guest, it helps to know which colors to choose, how to present a lei, and what gestures show the most respect. Let’s explore the role of lei in traditional Hawaiian funerals and the etiquette that accompanies them.
The Significance of Lei in Hawaiian Culture
Lei are far more than decorative garlands. They represent love, respect, and connection between people. In ancient Hawaii, lei were worn by ali’i (royalty) and given as offerings to gods. Today, they continue to serve as powerful symbols during life’s most meaningful moments—including death.
At funerals, lei serve multiple purposes. They honor the memory of the deceased, comfort grieving families, and symbolize the continuation of life and love beyond death. Each lei carries the mana (spiritual energy) of the maker and the giver, making it a deeply personal tribute.
Choosing the Right Lei for a Hawaiian Funeral
Though you can wear or present any type of lei at a funeral, some options are more common and meaningful than others. The type of flowers, colors, and construction methods matter when selecting a lei for this solemn occasion.
Appropriate Colors and Materials
White and pale-colored lei are traditionally used at Hawaiian funerals. White symbolizes purity, peace, and the transition to the spiritual world.
These are some common funeral lei materials:
- White carnations: a classic choice representing pure love and remembrance
- White ginger: known for its sweet fragrance and association with respect
- Maile: a sacred green vine lei reserved for occasions of great importance
- Pikake: delicate white jasmine flowers often used in memorial services
Open vs. Closed Lei
Lei come in two main styles: open (untied ends) and closed (tied in a circle). At funerals, open lei are traditionally preferred. The open ends symbolize an unfinished journey and the belief that the spirit continues beyond physical death.
Presenting Lei at a Hawaiian Funeral
How you give a lei matters just as much as the lei itself. Hawaiian funeral etiquette includes specific customs around presentation and placement.
Draping the Lei
Lei are typically draped over the casket or placed around a photo of the deceased during the service. Family members and close friends usually have the honor of placing the first lei. As other attendees arrive, they add their lei to create a beautiful, fragrant tribute.
When draping a lei over a casket, approach with reverence. Take a moment of silence, offer a quiet prayer or thought, and gently place the lei. Do not toss or carelessly drop the lei, as this shows disrespect.
Offering Lei to the Family
You may also present lei to immediate family members as a gesture of support and sympathy. However, check with the family beforehand or follow the lead of other attendees. Some families prefer that all lei go directly to the deceased.
When offering a lei to a grieving family member, drape it over their shoulders gently. A brief hug, a hand squeeze, or a few quiet words of condolence can accompany this gesture. The lei serves as a tangible reminder that they are surrounded by love during their time of grief.
What Not To Do
Navigating funeral customs in an unfamiliar culture can feel overwhelming. Here are a couple of missteps to steer clear of when attending a Hawaiian funeral.
Wearing Your Lei Away From the Service
In Hawaiian tradition, lei given at funerals should remain at the service or burial site. Taking a funeral lei home is considered kapu (forbidden) and disrespectful. The lei is meant to stay with the deceased or at the gravesite as an offering.
After the service concludes, leave your lei draped over the casket, hung on a designated lei stand, or placed at the burial site. Some families may invite attendees to throw their lei into the ocean as part of a scattering ceremony, which is an acceptable alternative.
Forgetting to Show Respect
Hawaiian funerals are deeply spiritual events. Arriving late, speaking loudly, or treating the service casually dishonors the deceased and their family. Approach the event with humility, quiet respect, and an open heart.
Modern Adaptations and Variations
Hawaiian culture is living and evolving. While traditional customs remain important, modern Hawaiian funerals may incorporate contemporary elements or blend practices from other cultures.
Some families now accept closed lei or brightly colored arrangements if the deceased had specific wishes. Others may combine Hawaiian traditions with Christian, Buddhist, or other religious practices. Always follow the family’s lead and respect their choices.
Additionally, many Hawaiian funerals now include celebrations of life where stories, music, and food bring comfort to mourners. Lei remain central to these gatherings, serving as a bridge between grief and gratitude.
Honoring the Aloha Spirit Through Lei
Lei are more than decorations. They are expressions of aloha—love, compassion, and respect woven into every petal and leaf. At Hawaiian funerals, lei connect the living with the deceased, offering comfort and honoring memory. By choosing the right lei, presenting it with care, and following traditional etiquette, you participate in a sacred practice that has sustained Hawaiian culture through generations. Whether you’re planning a service or attending as a guest, these gestures of respect carry profound meaning.
Where To Find Funeral Lei
If you’re attending a Hawaiian funeral and need to purchase a lei, Hawaii Lei Stand can help. We carry all different varieties of Hawaiian funeral lei for both traditional and modernized ceremonies. We make our arrangements in the Aloha State, and we ship to the entire US, including Alaska. With fully online ordering and multiple shipment options to ensure fresh, on-time delivery, getting lei for your occasion is easy and convenient. Explore our options today and reach out if you have questions. Always, our mission is to keep the aloha spirit alive with lovingly handcrafted lei made accessible to all.